


can't divide by zero

by Beastrage



Series: tell me verse [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AU of an AU, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic, Asexuality, Author verses Amatonormativity, Friendship, Gen, Negative thoughts on soulmates, OC as Riku Replica, OC insert, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, Self-Insert, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Trans Character, the pairing is more mentioned than anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26924722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beastrage/pseuds/Beastrage
Summary: In one universe, there are Soulmates. Only those who belong to that universe get them, of course.(Good thing Ruse has never cared about that sort of thing.)
Relationships: Aeleus/Dilan (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: tell me verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766746
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	can't divide by zero

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I know that soulmates can be platonic and non-romantic, but so many people interpret so many different relationships as only romantic so it's very possible people in a soulmate-existing universe would think all soulmates are romantic. 
> 
> Also, for readers of Tell Me That I'm Real (or not), there are vague references to arcs that have happened (or are occurring). But the future is still very much in the air, so some interactions that are seemingly placed later in Tell Me's timeline may or may not occur when I actually get to that point in the fic.

So.

I tap my fingers against my bare arm. Exposed to the world like the rest of me, as I search for that one thing everyone has in this world I’m now living in. 

The one thing I...apparently don’t have. 

No pretty patches shaped symbolically, no words scrawled out on my skin. No scars but my own ugly ones. Nothing to mark that I have a soulmate out there waiting for me. 

Just...me. 

Me and my Riku-shaped body. 

I guess it makes sense, the more I think about the issue as my fingers linger along the scars I do have. 

That I don’t have a soulmate. I’m not supposed to exist, after all. I’m an extra that snuck her way into this story called Kingdom Hearts. 

Why would I have a connection like a soul-bond, in the light of that?

...Would be interesting if I did. But it’s not the end of the world that I don’t. Lived nineteen years without one, after all. 

(Wonder if Riku Replica would, though. Did I steal that from him too?)

I shrug, and make to cover up. Put my clothes back on and tell the others waiting outside impatiently the news. 

“I don’t have a soulmate.”

* * *

Ruse doesn’t have a soulmate.

Naminé frowns. 

How is that possible? Ruse is one of the nicest people she knows, her  _ friend.  _ If anyone deserves a good soulmate, it’s her. 

...Why doesn’t she have one? Is it because she’s a Replica, like how Naminé’s a Nobody?

(Nobodies don’t  _ deserve  _ soulmates.)

Naminé’s fingers trace the blurred words that run along her thigh. Incomprehensible, like the soulmarks of all Nobodies. 

Ruse doesn’t even have that. Just...blank. 

Naminé watches Ruse in the corner of her eye, as she attempts to draw. Her pencils keep missing the paper. 

“Naminé, what’s wrong?” Ruse looks concerned...for  _ her.  _

“You don’t have a soulmate.” Naminé looks away. Her fingers tighten around the edges of her notebook. “...you should have one.” 

(Nobodies don’t  _ deserve  _ soulmates.)

Indigo eyes go wide as Ruse frantically shakes her head. “No, no! I don’t want one! It’s fine!”

Naminé’s frown grows deeper. “You don’t want one? Why not?”

All the stories in Sora’s memories say you can only have a happy ending with your soulmate. If Ruse doesn’t have one...maybe she won’t get one. 

Or be happy. 

“Wait, let me explain.”

Ruse’s fingers rub along the jagged line of her new scars as she thinks out loud. “I mean...having a soulmate would mean I  _ have  _ to be with them. And I don’t want to be with anyone, see?”

Naminé nods as she follows along. That makes sense. But why wouldn’t Ruse want to be “with anyone”? 

...Does she still want to be friends with Naminé?

Naminé swallows. She doesn’t  _ want  _ to offer this, but...

She cares about Ruse. She doesn’t want to hurt her. 

“I can leave you alone.”

Ruse frowns back. “What, wait? Where’d that come from?”

Naminé places her pencil on the ground. Gently. “You don’t want to be with anything. And I...don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“Wait...that’s not what I meant!” Ruse squawks, hands waving frantically. “I want friends, I just don’t...want...”

Ruse looks away, her cheeks an ugly green color. 

She whispers her next words. Unhearable to someone without enhanced Nobody hearing. 

“I don’t want a soulmate to get in the way of my friends. Of being a good friend.”

Oh. 

_ Oh.  _

Naminé can feel something like a...smile. Small. On the edges of her lips. 

That...makes sense. Sora doesn’t let stuff like soulmates get in the way of being friends with everyone too. 

Why wouldn’t Ruse be the same?

Ruse looks up, face firm. “Naminé...no matter what, I will be your friend!”

What is this ache in her cheeks, uncontrollable and wild. 

“I will too. No matter what!”

Nobodies may not deserve soulmates but this...

Naminé will keep close to her, no matter what happens next. 

(On her thigh, her soulmark itches.)

* * *

“So if I’m hearing this right...you’ve got Sora’s name as your soulmark.”

“Yes.”

“And Kairi does too.”

“Also yes.”

A frown. “But Sora only has Kairi’s name?”

Riku swallows. He can only nod soundlessly. 

Ruse snorts, shaking her head. “Man, that sounds ripe for disaster. And I mean,  _ ripe.  _ Talk about poorly-planned romantic subplots, ha! _ ” _

“Is this a...joke to you?”

“Well, kind of.”

“You’re being a dick.”

“Yes, I’m very aware, thank you. Rather not have one.”

(On Riku’s left hand, a bright blue name almost  _ glows.  _ The same color as Sora’s eyes.)

* * *

“You’re fortunate to not have a soulmate.” Really, Xehanort is almost  _ envious.  _

Ruse peers over at him skeptically. “Um, okay?”

Xehanort taps his fingers together. “You seem disbelieving of my claim.”

“Yeah, because you’re...” Ruse makes a vague circular motion in the air with her index fingers. “All about Fate and Destiny and stuff. Thought’d you be the type to be all over soulmates.”

Xehanort considers her statement. 

Though generalized, the logic behind such a conclusion is sound. Considering what Ruse knows of him and his goals so far, at least. 

“Soulmates are of the Light. If I want to properly use the Dark, one will only get in the way.”

Ruse’s face falls. She sits back. “Oh, I should’ve guessed it would be something like that...but soulmates are of the Light, huh. I don’t have lots of Light, is that why...?”

Xehanort considers the state of Ruse’s Heart, the amount of Darkness in it. “Most likely. That is what the oldest texts claim, at least.”

The books on soulmates at Scala de Caelum had all talked about soulmates and how vital Light was to those connections. How  _ important  _ soulmates were. 

Creatures of Dark did not have soulmates like everyone in the Light supposedly did. 

Apparently, individuals born without soulmates were fated to become terrible monsters of the Dark. At the time of reading, Xehanort had thought such claims had the air of children’s stories. Rather ridiculous. 

He still thought that way. 

Prolonged usage of Darkness was supposed to cut a soul-bond, but Xehanort had his doubts on that. Wouldn’t he have lost the handprint he got from Eraqus, then, if that were truly the case? 

All of them, so blind. Blinded by their Light. 

Ruse laughs. A cold, fake sound. “The books say so, huh? Guess we better believe  _ them _ .” Full of scorn. 

“I wouldn’t,” Xehanort scoffs. He leans back, looking up towards the Dreams circling far above. “They’re full of fear-mongering and ignorance. There is nothing wrong with you not having a soulmate.”

When Xehanort glances over, Ruse is staring at him. Again. Slowly, she shakes her head. 

“Man, why are you the only person who’s  _ ever  _ said that to me?  _ Sucks. _ ”

Xehanort is not sure why she seems so perturbed by his words. 

They’re only true, after all. Soulmates only get in the way. 

(It’s a pity that his soulmate will have to die, in the end. No matter how his Heart or soulmark burns at the idea. Nothing may stand in the way of his Destiny.)

* * *

“Do you have a soulmate?” The question comes, well, not exactly out of nowhere. 

Even knows full well that these thoughts are coming as a result of Ruse being exposed to the general cultural morass of the Soulmate Phenomenon in a way she never has before. 

Staying in one world longer than a few days, interacting peacefully with individuals of many different thoughts and ideas,  _ living  _ there, tends to do that. 

Brings up questions she may have pushed to the side before, focused only surviving. Not that Even doesn’t regret that, but...

What’s done is done. She’s asking about soulmates now, attempting to catch up with her apparent peers. 

“Yes.”

“And...?” Ruse prompts, swinging her legs back and forth. Shaking his entire workplace in the process, of course. Like she always does. 

She worsens her actions should he say something, so Even doesn’t. 

“They died.”

“Oh.” Ruse’s brow furrows. “You don’t sound very...concerned about that.”

“I’ve had a long time to move on.” Ten plus years, at this point. Besides...Even stops the thought right away. 

It doesn’t matter at this point. 

“Why does everyone else care so much about soulmates?” Unlike you, goes unsaid. 

Even almost shrugs, shuffling through his files. “The same reason they worry about sex and who has it. It’s human nature,  _ apparently. _ ” 

Ruse’s face screws up in disgust. “Ugh. Don’t they have better things to think about?”

“Apparently not.”

Ruse taps her fingers on the table. “But that doesn’t really answer my question. Are there laws or something? Am I breaking laws by not having a soulmate?”

Even almost laughs. “There have always been laws around soulmates.”

In fact...

“One of the first legal actions Ansem the Wise carried out was to repeal a law that forbade soulmate divorces.”

Ruse’s mouth drops open. “That’s  _ awful. _ ”

“Many protested the repeal.” Even searches for his penlight. Now, where did he put it...? Under the papers, or over by the beaker? “It cut into my research, having to deal with such nonsense.”

Ruse huffs, shaking her head in amusement. “Of course that’s what you cared about. Here.”

Click. Even looks up from his search to see her hand opening up to drop said penlight right in front of him. 

Of course. 

“Where did you  _ find  _ that?”

She shrugs. “Picked it up before it rolled off your desk.”

Even narrows his eyes. “I see.” 

He somewhat doubts that was the case, but there’s really nothing he can say against it. 

“Do you want one?” Even asks. Is that why she’s so concerned about this, so curious? Does she want a soulmate like Xion has?

Ruse’s eyes widen. “Wait, what?”

“Do you want a soulmate?” Even repeats himself. “I could  _ attempt  _ to get you one, I have my old research on the topic somewhere...”

Hopefully not purged with the majority of the Heart files. It’s something he wanted to try in the past, making a soulmate bond. 

But then that brings into question “who” the soulmate would be, hm, that’s a thought to consider as well...

Ruse puts her hands up, waving them in distress. “No, no, I don’t want one. I  _ never  _ want one.”

Hm.

“And you’re certain?” Even checks. 

“ _ Yes,”  _ Ruse hisses, body hunching up. Afraid? 

...Well, that only makes sense considering some of their interactions in the past. 

“Very well. Well, what would you like then?” From this course of conversation. 

“I think...I’m gonna leave now. Yeah.” Ruse hops onto her feet and proceeds to start walking backwards away from him. 

“Not that dir-”

_ CRASH.  _

Even sighs, rubbing at the bridge of his nose as he stands. Moving towards the struggling Replica on the floor, surrounded by broken vials. “Do  _ not  _ move, you’ll get glass everywhere...”

(On the back of his neck, speckles of bright green itch.)

* * *

Ruse is on the tallest tower. Again. 

And they want Dilan to get her down. 

Not too concerning. As a Replica, Ruse would probably  _ bounce  _ if she fell off that height instead of going splat. 

Frankly, everyone’s worried too much. She’ll come down when she wants to come down. 

But since he’s up here anyway...he might as well try. 

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” Dilan calls up. 

“Go away!” 

Dilan considers doing so. There are the gardens that still need tending to. Flowers to plant, weeds to pull out. But dinner’s soon and Ruse’s absence will make the scene awkward. 

If only due to her habit of chatting and  _ chatting,  _ driving that awkwardness away. 

“No. Tell me what’s going on.”

She  _ wants  _ to talk, he can tell by the way she shuffles her feet, opens and closes her mouth without saying anything. 

Patience. She will, in the end. 

Eventually, Ruse does. 

“Yuffie asked me about my soulmate.”

Dilan heaves out an almost explosive sigh. Just from that...he knows where  _ that  _ went. “You told her you didn’t have one.”

Ruse throws up her hands. 

“Of course I did! If I didn’t, they would want to see it! Know who it was!”

Her hair flies everywhere as the Replica jerks her head in a “no” violently. 

“What I don’t get...” Ruse’s face twists up like she’s tasted a particularly sour lemon, “is why everyone  _ cares  _ so much that I don’t have one.”

She gestures almost violently, fingers making silent snapping motions. 

“I’m the one with no soulmate, not  _ them.  _ Why should they care, they’ve got what they wanted.”

She’s young, Dilan can’t help but think. Notice every time he’s around her. Part of the reason he avoids her, along with the other children that wander through the Castle. 

Knowledgeable in the other ways, enough to keep up with Even and Ienzo. 

Enough that she doesn’t seem as young. 

But in moments like these...

Her face crumpled up, eyes squinting, like she’s trying not to cry. 

Completely ignorant of how much importance society places on soulmates. 

Why would she, Even’s always been strange in that he cares nothing for the topic. He wouldn’t think to inform his Replicas about them. 

Her ignorance makes her dreadfully young, though. 

Dilan hates it. 

“Soulmates...are...” Struggles to find the words. Finds one, but it’s not perfect.

“Difficult,” he settles on.

Ruse lifts an eyebrow. The unscarred one. “You gonna tell me that you’re sorry too?”

Dilan scoffs, shaking his head. “Why would I? My soulmark’s gotten me nothing but  _ pain.” _

He can’t help the bitterness that comes through. A bitterness that will probably always be there, for as long as he lives. Dying once and becoming a Nobody didn’t rid him of it and nothing else can match those events in magnitude. 

Except, apparently, the failure of his soulmark. 

She perks up, her indigo eyes going round with curiosity as she shuffles on her ledge to more fully face him. “ _ You’ve  _ got one?”

Dilan lifts an eyebrow to return her previous gesture. “Weren’t you just saying something about everyone having a soulmate?”

To her credit, Ruse blushes. A horrible blotchy green color that clashes terribly with her purple scars and current clothing. “Oh, right. But?”

Dilan rolls his shoulders. He  _ knows  _ he can’t feel the name pressed upon his right shoulder blade, but brains are tricky things. It’s almost like he can, that burning pressure of everything he failed at. 

“It didn’t work out. She wanted things I couldn’t give her,” he says. Simple, as concise as he can make it. 

Nothing about the utter and complete disaster it was, how she wanted to get married, do a hundred other things, that he...didn’t. 

Couldn’t. 

“She?” Ruse frowns, finger tapping at her chin. A motion that so like Ienzo’s own nervous gestures. “I thought you were with...” she gestures at the air vaguely with her other hand, “you know, Aeleus.”

Dilan snorts. “He’s not my soulmate. Besides, we’re not in the usual kind of relationship.”

Mostly due to his own hang-ups on romance. Sex is fine, though. 

Ruse nods like that makes sense to her. Maybe it does, she’s the one who retreated up here due to soulmate-related nonsense. 

She lets out a sigh. “That’s...good. That people aren’t stuck together as soulmates. That’s all everyone talks about, how  _ great  _ it is. But...”

Ruse scratches at her scars, even after the thousand times she’s been told  _ not  _ to. 

Dilan grits his teeth, fighting back the urge to say something about it. She’s talking, possibly thinking of coming back in and Aeleus will be disappointed if Dilan screws this up. 

He waits. 

“It doesn’t sound great to me to be stuck with someone forever. There.”

She folds her arms over her chest, almost defensive. Like she has to defend her choice, her thoughts, to  _ him.  _

Dilan thinks, possibly, out of everyone in the Castle, he’s the one who can understand her thoughts and words the best. 

He’s thought the same before, after all. 

“You don’t have to be,” Dilan states, “No one here would ever force that on you.”

Most of them wouldn’t even talk about any kind of relationship, actually, now that Dilan’s thinking this through. Romantic or otherwise. 

Moon, Flower, and Wave, Dilan  _ hopes  _ he doesn’t have to explain sex to Ruse. Even can handle that. 

“Yeah, but other people won’t stop asking!” Ruse’s fingers dig in deeper. 

“They always will! That’s how the world works!” Dilan shakes his head at the idiocy implied behind that statement. It’s a younger him, all over again, railing at an imperfect world that will never change its stance on soulmates and soulmarks and every kind of relationship there is. 

“All you can do is move past that! Find people who won’t care, who accept that you don’t want that!”

Like Aeleus, like the other apprentices and Ansem the Wise. 

(Like Braig. Before he disappeared forever. Betrayed them.)

Indigo eyes stare at him, bright in the dimming light of sunset. 

“You’ve given up,” she says accusingly.

“Of course not. I’ve picked my battles and won them.” Dilan holds out a gloved hand. “Come down. And stop scratching your face, Even will throw a fit.”

“Even is  _ always  _ throwing a fit,” Ruse mutters rebelliously. But she does rise to her feet and hops her way down. 

Stopping next to him. 

She looks up at him hopefully. “So, food?”

Dilan does  _ not  _ sigh. “Dinner is almost ready.”

A fist-pump. “Sweet! I’m starving.”

“You always are...” A plague of locusts, this one...

“What was that?”

“Nothing relevant.”

(The words on his back, his shoulder, in that scrawling chicken-scratch tingle.)

* * *

“Ruse...”

“Yes?”

“Do you have a soulmate?”

“No. Does it matter?”

“...No. It doesn’t.”

A smile. 

“Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> For further thoughts:  
> Dilan is Aro and in a queerplatonic relationship with Aeleus. Even is Ace through and through.  
> Ruse is Aro-Ace.  
> Young Xehanort does not hate relationships, nor is Aro, by the way, he's just Tired By Hypocrisy (and on his way to becoming a villian).


End file.
